san diego craigslist > missed connections > I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things...
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I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things... (Mordor)




I had a dream that you had departed me and thankfully it passed. It was a death, a ghost in my soul, and its weight came down on me harder than I thought was possible. I have never felt that before.

It is today. It is right now that I am opening a new book for us. I am writing a new chapter, a next chapter in this giant book of empty pages that are here for us. Onto them, I will pour my love. This will be a reflection of you and all that you mean to me.

I’m having the strongest memories of you. These fragments save me, when all else falls to shadow. They are filled with meaning and purpose. They are ours. They are the beginnings of a wonderful life together. One day, when we both are old and I am three-quarters blind, I hope that you will open this file on our computer, with a small flutter in your heart, and think “I remember this now, and am glad to be with you, here to savor it once again.”

* I was leaning against the wall in front of the bookstore. That night, our lips could not leave each other’s, even as you drove away from me.
* The flowers I sent you at work the next day – and the note that was with them. “Hey man, I'm sorry you were confused about my intentions before. This should clear them up some. I think you're awesome - and hope this isn't too embarrassing. Who am I kidding? I hope it is.”
* The things I wrote for you that made you smile with your crooked teeth.
* When you were sick and tired and I brought you flowers and soup and a movie and hugs.
* Singing beautiful songs to each other in the car. I would look into your eyes, not watching the road, because I wasn’t afraid – your beautiful eyes would never lead me astray.
* Making love to you safe and wonderful, it made me feel like I was home, when I have never had a home. I thought maybe you could be that place I have searched for, that safe, happy place.
* Holding your hand while you cried. Feeling the things that you felt, which I had such a hard time feeling alone.
* The sushi you tried and hated, but I had a beach picnic of berries and cream waiting for us, just in case.
* Beautiful things you make me say and think and feel… that I will feel forever in your arms.
* Moments of inspiration looking into your eyes, dreams of our happy, perfect future.
* All the things, every day, as I think of you, the way that my heart beat and all that I wanted was to hear your voice or feel your fingers on my spine.

These things I did for you, not to woo you or win you, but to make you smile for a flickering moment. In that moment, I had a life. I would only promise you the world if I could deliver the world to you. So I will not promise it to you. I will keep my promises to those things I can deliver. These are the promises I make to you, without any reservation, in earnest and in reality, not just in pretty words. I will:

* Make you my eternal muse, a beautiful daydreamer. I will make them remember your name for all time.
* Put a warm feeling in your life that will never go away, no matter what they do to us, no matter what they take from us.
* Take you across the world and show you all the things that have made me feel like a human. You make me feel… alive.
* Marry you in a way that defies all explanation, so that you can never forget, can never waver… so that when we tell our friends the story, they will not believe us. But you will know how much I love you – and it will give you the strength of ten souls.
* Teach our beautiful blue-eyed children that you are, in fact, the glowing center of the universe, a celestial and holy creature – not just a maker of milk-and-cookie treats. They will worship you as I do. And they can be born now… our beautiful children can finally be born.
* Make every day of our lives special and brilliant in a different way from the last, so as we grow old together, we will have more than comfort, we will have content.
* Hold your hand on our final day and walk to the other place with you, into the darkness at the end. I will make small jokes and point out funny things the whole way so you will laugh instead of being scared, because I never want you to be afraid, not even for a moment, not even when I am terrified, not even at the scariest moment of all.
* For all eternity, as we glow together in the stars, whisper sweet things in your ear and remind you of those sunny days, gone too quickly, which we spent together on earth, wondering if we would still love each other long after the planet had died. We will talk about the softness of grass in the springtime, the wild summer thunderstorms, the taste of cherries in the fall, and the snow on our tongues at year’s end. I will be a light for you, when all other lights go out.

If any of these things can be done, I swear to you they will be.

I love you with the fire of ten thousand suns. I will burn brilliantly forever, fueled by your soul, your spirit. We will be lovers in the old way, the legendary way, writing letters across time and space, dreaming little dreams of each other and waking each day together. We will leave a monument to our love so grand and stunning that future generations will hold their love against ours and find it cheap.

Ours is a pure love, a true love, a love at first sight, a love to echo through the ages. Ours is the love that so many dream of – and we will give hope and solace to countless, ceaseless humanity.

For all time, until our hearts stop beating and beyond. In places and ways we cannot even imagine. In words and in deeds, in body and in soul, in life and death.

For ever.

I loved you then. I love you now. I will love you forever.